Letter To My Unborn Daughter -- 4/4/03

Come hell or high water, im gonna get married, be happy, and have me a little daughter, a child that I can call my baby girl, the most beautiful and most precious thing to ever breathe in this world, taking right after her mother, with a lotta love from her father, maybe one day hanging out with her little brother, Ill make life easy for you so you don't have to be bothered, baby all the girls are driving me so crazy, one day their hot, one day their not, one day I'm an asshole, I can't find one baby, maybe if I wait long enough enough I can find a girl that will stay around and not play me, just maybe, if I wish I may on a star, no matter where you are, God's supposedly listening to your prayers, well all I'm asking for is the chance to show someone worth it that I care, and baby if anybody ever tells you that life is gonna be fair.... their liars, don't listen, life is hell it's making me rip out my hair, when people stare, just smile, whenever your in doubt just remember that I love you baby always will because you're my child, when people give you attitude don't lose your head, guys will do it so when guys break your heart don't be like me and wish for your death, or say things that you wish could be unsaid, because most guys are just going to be following that third leg, I may or may not be here long enough for you to remember me, but maybe you can read this and maybe it'll spark your memory, just remember that your daddy got tired of his heart being torn, torn the fuck out, but remember that daddy loves you baby, this is a letter to my unborn daughter.

Can you see me baby? Can you hear me baby? Will you ever know how much I love you baby? Will you remember me baby? Or will you forget me baby? Will you ever hold back on something in fear that it would upset me baby? Will you love me baby? Will you ever get to really hug me baby? I'm just trying to find you a mom that isn't gonna fuck me baby... this one goes out to my baby, the letter to my unborn daughter.

Come hell or high water, I'm gonna find me a good one woman, one worthy of bearing my daughter, because right now she's yet to be born, I could have sworn that I found that woman but I just had to tell her goodbye, because she wanted to leave me because she had some interest in some fucking red neck guy, left here to cry and wonder and ask myself why, If you can't answer the question baby then why should we even try, but I promise you that I'll find another for you before the day that I die, I pinky swear baby cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye, your my baby and you always will be baby for forever and a day, only God himself can because no one else is gonna be strong enough to ever take you away, and baby I will find me a girl to stay, Why can't they just love me like I love them, Why can't I get a girl that wants to be more then a friend, Why do I have to stay broken hearted over and over time and time again, why can't I find a girl to love me until the end, how can I be too young when love conquers all, how can I be too old when my heart is still so small, it takes a lot to get into there but in my heart you will always have a home, I'm writing you this wishing that it was a girl and not your Uncle Steve on the other side of this phone, be good, always do what you think you should, should've, would've, could've, die knowing that you did everything that you could, no regrets, and never forget, that daddy loves you baby.

Can you see me baby? Can you hear me baby? Will you ever know how much I love you baby? Will you remember me baby? Or will you forget me baby? Will you ever hold back on something in fear that it would upset me baby? Will you love me baby? Will you ever get to really hug me baby? I'm just trying to find you a mom that isn't gonna fuck me baby... this one goes out to my baby, the letter to my unborn daughter.

Come hell or high water, even if I have to buy the rings that be costing a quarter, I'm gonna get together, get married, and find me a suitable mother for my daughter, dear mommy, dear baby, i'm just tired from working my butt off for you baby I promise you I'm not being lazy, I just want you to have everything you could ever dream of, give you everything in the world, and every single bit of my love, blood is thicker than water baby and I'm so blessed to have you sent to me from up above, if you see something that you want, take it, and if you want something bad enough, then fake it, I could tell you to live by perfect morals but truth is they don't work on this Earth, on this day, ever since the day of your birth, I loved you in every single way, why are you not yet born, why is my heart so torn, why is it suddenly okay to use a "K" when your spelling the name Korn, you'll be okay, you'll get it, just never ever forget it, if you make a decision make sure that you'll never regret it, and I promise you that you will be fine, because your my baby girl and when it's your time it's your time, just make sure you shine, forget the world baby... I love you.

I For You

Say the words I cannot say

Say them on another day
Fragile words like these will cut your tongue
Was I good enough, was I bad enough
When I wanted more, yeah, you had enough

But nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you

And every slow-lit cigarette
That nervous hands can barely get the courage 
I could always feel your eyes
And those dresses you made look like gowns
You're a sinner but the devil even turned you down

Cause, nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you
And nobody's gonna try for you
And nobody's gonna lie for you
And nobody's gonna do like I for you

Hold me like you never could
I'll hold you like I said I would
Air or light won't breathe nor shine between
With your feather lips, yeah you fly away
Well I hope they come back down someday

Cause, nobody's gonna try for you
Nobody's gonna do like I for you

Somebody's getting by for you
I don't bend, I just break in two
Somebody like me
I'd die for you

This Feeling - 1/14/03

I light a candle and then I look in the mirror... then I look into another mirror to make sure the first one wasn't lying, I spit in the face I see in the mirror because all I can think about is dying, Do I really want this.... no!

I'm tired of these girls who are always being phony, now i'm so lonely, tired of these girls running around acting like they know me, and wanna blow me, if you really loved me then you should have opened up and showed me, I don't understand why you fight for me then you just throw me, away, you try and get me then I'm left to cry as your just walking away, leaving me alone feeling depressed and stressed as you ruined my Christmas day, then you tell me that you're sorry and you don't know what else to say, except that I can do better whether or not I see it things will be better this way, and you're right because starting today my life is getting better, even though through the good and the bad weather, you promised that we would always be together, forever and ever just ended so don't fucking talk to me ever, ever again bitch, never! This is the song of someone who is lonely, I hate to think about the times you whispered in my ear that you wanna bone me, you're a clone see, you treated me like every other girl like a fucking piece of crap, you fight to get me then just drop me like, well, that is that, God I wish I could go back in the past, although I wouldn't change a thing or take anything back, but I wouldn't let you beat on my heart with a baseball bat, I just would have never taken you back...

This lonely feeling makes me hate my God forsaken life, because I'll never be happy when I'm getting screwed over, an absolute living hell is what has become of my life, there's no girls just bitches I can't wait for somebody to prove me wrong, when someone does that you will hear happy stuff from me and not this same ole lonely song.

I can't go to the mall because it makes me feel alone, I can't stand my life now spending it all alone at home, I'm seeing red again because now I wish for death, but God leaves me here for these women to mess with my head, but see I've got this hand full of lead, and now everybody actually cares about everything I said, How can I lead or be led when I'm lying here crying in my bed, you feed me so much crap and just left me here lonely, you expect me to tread a level course, oh of course you would believe anybody over me, why would you even bother to ask the original source, me, this pain is such an unstoppable force, I feel like I have been used for that one thing, I rap because I can't sing, my tears get in the way when you're ripping off my wings, and angels can't fly without them so get ready for the chaos that it brings, it figures I would just get screwed all over again, Why did I even bother trying to get a girlfriend? Did I really think there was another way that this would end? All she wanted to do was deliver the message to send, now my soul is in the afterlife because of the rules that I bend, Out of everybody how could you do this to me when you say that you love me, you hugged me, but in the end you just fucked me, you lied when you trusted me, thinking that you busted me, my heart is wide open now and beyond repair, my heart hurts so much that I am literally ripping out my hair, and you just don't care, I would have never come into this world if I knew it was this unfair, so now I've got this blank stare, and I'm blinded by the glare, what's the point in lying we both know we are the perfect pair, and we used to be an inseparable couple, and you returned my love with a double dose of heart ache, all this pain has really made my heart break, for Christ's sake why can I not find the right girl before it's too late, one that is not a phony, I hate this life, I hate the way that I am treated, I hate this world, and I hate being lonely...

This lonely feeling makes me hate my God forsaken life, because I'll never be happy when I'm getting screwed over, an absolute living hell is what has become of my life, there's no girls just bitches I can't wait for somebody to prove me wrong, when someone does that you will hear happy stuff from me and not this same ole lonely song.

If I could get away from it all I would, if I could finally make somebody happy you know I would if I could, people think that I should change but I don't think that I should, I can't believe it that it actually got worse from when I moved from the hood, I went from bad to.. well I don't guess that I'll ever be good, but I got worse, just strengthened my vocabulary but when I get angry all that I can do is curse, she cheated on me but unfortunately she wasn't the first, I went out of my way to treat you the best and you went out of your way to treat me the worst, I hate my life and everyone in it, now I met the girl of my dreams and now everyone wants to be a part of it, you go on and be happy and I will just stay here, because losing you has always been my number one fear, we've been together for three months but it feels like six years, but now I am still all alone, man, it didn't bother me to be alone when they called me to try and understand, I went at it alone when they called me to the stand, I foiled some plans but they don't mean a thing if I can't have you with me hand in hand, or have you in my life, on bended knee because I was gonna ask you to be my wife, all I ever wanted was for someone like you to be in my life, and to be with someone like you, now that I got you I can't be with you, I have to be lonely here alone with nothing to do, burning bridges so I have nobody left to talk to, what's left to say besides baby I love you, but you won't answer me will you? Nope...I guess that I'll just kill you.

I dont know im drunk

Your the only thing that i have ever wanted, every other girls just trying to be you, my mother says that i should write you letters, but i think your with other dudes, take my hand.. You'll like it, you dont even have to call, yes ive had some alcohol, im sorry, take my hand, you dont even have to call, your somewhere out there after all, all i ever wanted... Your all i ever wanted.

Fallen Soldier - 2/18/03

As I get older, I'm getting bolder, but I'm getting closer to becoming another fallen soldier, I'm getting meaner, but less greener, I should have told ya, that I loved you more because now you're a fallen soldier, I'm getting colder, trying to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but before I go I have to say this before I'm a fallen soldier, so as I get older, I'm getting bolder, but I'm getting closer to becoming another fallen soldier, I'm getting meaner, but less greener, I should have told ya, that I loved you more because now you're a fallen soldier, I'm getting colder, trying to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but before I go I have to say this before I'm a fallen soldier, that you are not forgotten!

Sometimes... the disappointment.. is just too much.. to take

I know one day that I will be in the first and we will be together in heaven, if you wouldnt have died you could have been part of the tragedy of September eleven, I cant stand the term "1-8-7", because it means murder and the murdered can't ever remember, because death is forever, it's a tragedy that you will never forget, how could you kill yourself to end it? got lost in the moment one time because you were upset, we were fighting so I never got to tell you goodbye, I have to cry because I never got to say I love you and I can't have a second try, because it wasn't your time to die, I love you father but you will can't even hear me, your death put so much anger inside of me, I made everyone stay away because they feared me, you told me one week before you died that you wanted to be reincarnated into a bird, then I got stubborn and was spoiled and I didnt tell you a word, a week before you died you told me you would come visit me every single night, I told you not to let me see you because of the fright, I couldnt bear it I couldnt bear the sight, or sleep without a light, I was 11 years old I didnt mean it dad please let me see you, I never told you enough but I really really love you, I never really showed it but my heart is true, and even though the last thing you ever said to me was that you hated me... I still love you.

As I get older, I'm getting bolder, but I'm getting closer to becoming another fallen soldier, I'm getting meaner, but less greener, I should have told ya, that I loved you more because now you're a fallen soldier, I'm getting colder, trying to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but before I go I have to say this before I'm a fallen soldier, so as I get older, I'm getting bolder, but I'm getting closer to becoming another fallen soldier, I'm getting meaner, but less greener, I should have told ya, that I loved you more because now you're a fallen soldier, I'm getting colder, trying to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but before I go I have to say this before I'm a fallen soldier, that you are not forgotten!

Too much smoking took another fallen soldier, I cant cry or show my sympathy because Ive got a grandma crying on my shoulder, we never were really all that close until recently, you never really knew me until death brought us together and I learned your name was Henry, you told me to make my dad proud and that everything would be fine, you told me dont make myself sick asking why that it was just his time, that was the only time me or grandma saw you cry, I heard you praying at the wake asking the good lord why but you told me not to because the lord comes before you and I, too many people wanna play God when God doesnt seem to be a fair man, took my father and my grandfather and left me nothing to help me understand, this wasnt my idea, you shed your sweat and you shed your tears, you suffered through life all 74 damn years, then you wake up to all your fears, no more spending Saturday's drinking beers, no more Sunday afternoon trips to Sears, you're gone Henry, because destiny takes its toll whether you like it or not, you always stayed away from the cops, you always lived the good life, you always avoided being shot, and you're in a better place now, never again going to see your face now, only in memory, and I really hope that you always remember me, I hope you always think of the good times, I hope your memory can be held into these rhymes, I hope you keep smiling because your smile resembles the sunshine, it just sucks because when it's your time then it's your time, Grandpa I love you and I promise to take care of your wife, I am so happy you got to live a nice long blessed life, and you lived it without regrets, Im just upset that I wasnt there for you more... but I will see you in Heaven. RIP to all the fallen soldiers.

Maybe It's Me - 3/1/02

People these days enjoy to see others in pain
nowadays there are few lovers to be your ceiling from the rain,
the people around me never can stay the same
same looks but with a different personality and a totally new name
I'm losing my touch and people are starting to get the best of me
people are out to get me telling me I'm wrong when I know this is destiny
we're all choosing to fuck ourselves just in our own ways
and letting the needy need until a tragedy or a holiday
not until something drastic happens, then we care about the tragedy
the world is changing for the worse, but hey, maybe its just me

Hypocrites run wild in the land of the free
every body is a back stabbing two faced lying low life
but maybe it's me
People wanna convert me they just wont let me be
minorities are taking over the world
but maybe it's me
people only see the dark side because people don't want to see
people need to open up their eyes
but maybe it's me
I feel stupid for wanting to pop the question down on bended knee
girls so are so ignorant and selfish sometimes
but maybe its me

It's not me that has changed, its the people around me that have changed, its the world around me that has changed, its the person who makes me sad every day that has changed because supposedly they are making new friends, i'm still man enough to admit when I am wrong, I'm still man enough to cry, I'm still the Daniel that everybody fell in love with, but you're not the people who gave me a reason to live, but maybe it's me.

The questions you save for later, the hate you do at first, I used to be the inspiration like so many were to me, but now I'm worrying about me, what about Daniel? Ignorance, getting ignored, attitude, the shit I take in, the shit I give, shit is crazy, life is crazy, sometimes I even think how life isn't worth it, but I've realized through all my pain that no one is completely honest, that everyone is fake, and when you find YOUR star follow it through the rain and the sunshine because you don't get that lucky that often, but my luck I'd be putting my life on the line to stay close to this star and she'd belong to somebody else, and I know this does not rhyme but I do not really care, maybe it's me.

I see shit, I hear shit, I may be psychic, really I'm tired of it, life is changing, people all of a sudden becoming quiet when they used to speak, adultery, lying to me, then hugging on me, after life the only reason you go to heaven is because life is a living hell, it's the least that they could do, I can't even use my shoulder because of you, God please give me strength, but you won't, because it's just me. So now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep, and if I should die before I wake, good....

Untitled... For Now

Your smile makes everything in the world thats bad just go away, i hope the world does end cuz im not gonna happier then I am today, the longest five days of my life since you went on and left me, and ignored my every advance until I advanced on to the next one, monday was the longest night because you were supposed to be next to me, but you werent and you hurt me and taught me a life lesson, to never love, to never trust, to never open up again, to put up my walls, to fuck em and leave em, cuz who really needs a girlfriend, who really needs the pain and the sorrow when it ends, that awkward moment when you type out a text you meant to clear and it sends, because it was a suicide note meant for the cops... now let the fighting begin.

I give and I give and I give but you never gave back, I put myself out there and out there and out there only to get slapped, and I fall and I fall and I fall deeper in this rut, depression and pain and horror have replaced what was love, and im climbing and trying and scraping by but, this life aint worth living without you when push comes to shove, so im gonna walk around with my head held high and act like I never heard of ya, because starting now you no longer run my life....

How could you do this to me what did I fucking do to deserve this, did I love you too much is that your being such a bitch? your scared to settle down well thats the last thing I want right now so you know thats some bullshit, so quit with your god damn excuses and be real with me just a little bit, see cuz ive been nothing good to you, nothing but honest with you, nicer then I should to you, remember all the shit that I promised you? Well forget it, forget it all, fuck it all, your nothing to me, I hate you, im above you and im above it all, im picking myself back up now cuz my heart is cold from the fall, your heart is cold to the touch, I never thought that I could love somebody this much...

My Eulogy

My eulogy, an ode to my creativity, so why's everybody always shitting on me? why cry now, with your heads held down, your supposed to show you care before I'm in the ground, smiling down on you, casting a frown on you, I really hope you heart that sound 'round you, cuz now i'm haunting you, instead of flaunting you, you remember the days when I was wanting you? They're long gone like my love for you, so now i'm shoving you, I hope you finally appreciate all the things that I've done for you, while I was loving you, cuz now i'm hating you, instead of parading you or serenading you now i'm just debating you, why in the hell is it always about you? you, you, you, fuck you! what about me? this is MY eulogy.